I choose to believe in Goodness.
Recently, a lot of my friends have been calling me stupid. Well, stupid when it comes to dealing with boys. I disagree. I’m not stupid when it comes to boys, I’m stupid when it comes to people. My stupidity is gender-neutral. I admit it. It stems from idealism and sentimentality- two traits that are both lauded and condemned. It used to be called innocence when I was a child, then naivety when I was a teen, and then ignorance when I earned the right to vote. When one reaches a certain age, as I have, it is expected for one to shed such doe-eyed beliefs and succumb to what others call “logic” and “reason” as a form of realism. For example, when a friend betrays you, the Logical thing to do is to no longer be friends with the offender. What did I do? Work extra hard to regain their trust. When a friend puts you down constantly, Reason dictates a burning of the bridge. What did I do? Boost their self-esteem regularly by reminding them what a great person they actually are and telling them that they deserve a certain level of respect. When it comes to boys, yes, my judgment is a little more than cloudy- always giving them chance after chance. Believing in them even though they are consistently proving that they are undeserving.
I know all this, and yet I choose to ignore my better judgment. This becomes especially apparent when dealing with guys. So why do I do it? I guess, it is because I truly believe in the good in people and believe that everyone has redeeming qualities. The worst feeling in the world is thinking that it and everybody in it is against you. That sucks and I empathize. To feel like nobody believes in you and to think that nobody cares can make anybody more cynical and embrace their reputations, even if they aren’t really like that deep down. Being alone- physically and/or emotionally- can turn anybody away and make them give up on themselves, even when they have so much to offer. And that’s just down-right sad. I’ve realized that usually the ones that turn away from people are the ones who need them the most. The ones that hurt others are the ones who have been hurt the most. And the ones that hate on others are the ones who need love the most. It’s this kind of backwards thinking that makes my heart go out to them and want to be there for them even more. So I would rather be called stupid, dumb, or naïve because I believe in someone even though they give me all the reasons in the world not to than to have nobody believe in them. It’s silly, I know.
The most ridiculous part is that my faith in them is genuine. It’s true. Most people cannot comprehend this and I can’t convince them, but I don’t blame them. I’m not going to lie, sometimes it becomes hard, draining, and even hurtful, and I can see why people think that I’m stupid for putting up with it. I take all this and there is no guarantee that I could ever bank on it. But that is unconditional love and I choose to continually give it. All I can do is hope that one day they would come to realize their own self-worth and live up to their full potential, but regardless of how their lives turn out, they will always have a friend, cheering them on and supporting them, and maybe one day, they will return the favor.
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subsistence 
1.22.12 Playing Games
Posted in let it subsist, photography, poetry, tagged free verse, life, love, photography, pretend, social commentary, subsist, words, writing on January 22, 2012| Leave a Comment »
Small blind. Big blind.
Dealer takes the deck.
Shuffle. Cut. Deal.
Cover cards.
Flip corners.
Bet. Raise. Call.
Shifting eyes.
Calm demeanor.
Flop. Turn. River.
Counting chips.
Poker faces.
Check. Bluff. Show.
Playing a losing hand.
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